In the Pollen description, 4th bullet, you wrote "also gives you a shot at..." but you don't mention what it is it also gives you a shot at. I think you meant to write "Malachite".
I noticed in the very last line that you wrote "with 10 minutes..." when I think you meant to write "within...".
Looks great
Thanks for that. "Gives you a shot at .." was supposed to be the last line before the Malachite bullet points, but I added the one about sneezing. Have swapped them about.
What do you mean by the parenthesis "(save for...)". I just don't understand what you mean. And since the parenthesis starts a new sentence, it should start with a Cap and end with a period (inside the paren). OR you can bring the paren inside the preceding sentence and skip the cap and leave the period outside the paren.
From the Slag Dragon description "... but don't let their appearance fool you; they're still fast as can be when racing other dragons." From the DragonVale Facebook page today "Our hearts are racing with excitement leading up to tomorrow's app update." DragonVale Race Track is about to be released in our opinion.
You might want to change this, as you can already read something about the racing in the section above of this one.
From the Slag Dragon description "... but don't let their appearance fool you; they're still fast as can be when racing other dragons." From the DragonVale Facebook page today "Our hearts are racing with excitement leading up to tomorrow's app update." DragonVale Race Track is about to be released in our opinion.
You might want to change this, as you can already read something about the racing in the section above of this one.
Found a typi in the olympus dragons description Quote
35 hour breeding time (for the 35 Olympic Sports) for each Olmpus Dragon, though the rest of their stats are different Unquote Olmpus instead if Olympus
Found a typi in the olympus dragons description Quote
35 hour breeding time (for the 35 Olympic Sports) for each Olmpus Dragon, though the rest of their stats are different Unquote Olmpus instead if Olympus
I was super careful not to use its or it's anywhere in the text.
Not using the word at all is a good way of not misspelling it! That's a good workaround to learning how to use it properly. +5 grammar points for Fletch.
I had to struggle to find something, and all I got is a split infinitive, if you care about that kind of thing. The split infinitive is one of those grammar no-nos that is becoming accepted in a growing number of writing circles.
I had to struggle to find something, and all I got is a split infinitive, if you care about that kind of thing. The split infinitive is one of those grammar no-nos that is becoming accepted in a growing number of writing circles.
Point it out. We'll see how much it bothers me. lol
'... overwhelming goodwill, and witty humour, profound grace and compassion blended with the spice of relentless taunts.'
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